About "MustLoveTeens"

Webster's Dictionary defines a teenager all wrong. It should be re-written to read as (1.) "a highly-flawed prototype of a human being, characterized by rebellion, mood swings and rooms so messy they provide empirical proof of chaos theory", (2.) "a Darwinian dead-end that sprouts hormones before it sprouts a brain" and (3.) "an organism that sends its parental units screaming for Valium."

Teenagers are some of the most amazing beings on the planet. For example, they seem to possess two brains. One of those brains has a flawless memory and can remember to the millisecond when a parent promised use of the family car. The other brain cannot remember when to take out the garbage. The first brain can compute how to transform a rusting 1981 Chevette into a cutting-edge sports car, with chrome wheels, warp drive and an exhaust pipe that resembles a refinery pilot light. The second brain can't remember how to change the cat's litter box.

Raising a teenager is enough to send both Mom and Dad to Dr. Phil. When a single parent is doing the rearing, the task is enough to render said parent certifiable. We know. We are single parents. We are Mary and Jerry, two single Los Angeles based parents who began an extraordinary e-mail correspondence about our lives and our kids months ago ---shortly after we met on an online dating site. Mary is a film and television actor whose credits include some big time movies, network TV and a well-crafted character on a very popular cable show for kids, as well as a singer and an artist. She has a 14-year old daughter, Sunny Teresa. Jerry is an Emmy-nominated, Golden Mike Award winning broadcast journalist with a 17-year old daughter, April Samantha. Together, they have since written the screenplay, "The Tough Times of Leroy Lard." But we're jumping ahead. Let's flash back to a time when they needed the help of God and e-mails to survive inspections of their teenagers' rooms, wet sneakers in the dryer, teen lingo (in which the only intelligible word is "like") and the total disdain of their own children when it comes to high technology, among other traumas. They are the revenge our parents prayed for when we returned to their homes with a daisy garland crowning a mass of tangled hair, open fingers in a V, flashing the peace sign and proclaiming "Make love, not war." Mom picked up her martini glass and snarled, "I hope you have one just like yourself in fact, make it two!"

We would like to share our ongoing correspondence with you in this blog, "MustLoveTeens." If you've ever searched for the love of your life on the Internet, you probably understand the title. Many pet lovers who populate online dating sites use the caveat "Must Love Dogs" to warn away any prospects in whom any contact with their flea bitten mutts might trigger fear, loathing or a severe allergic reaction. We have found through experience that the same principle applies to contact with our kids.

For the moment, we are surviving the trials of teendom, but we can both feel our sanity slipping away in the face of our kids' puzzled stares, slamming doors, loves, dreams and disorganization. This blog may be our only hope. We hope you will allow us to share our traumas and triumphs with you on an ongoing basis.

We parents spend our waking hours tearing our hair out and then buying expensive products to restore it, and trying to maintain both our hairline and sanity at the same time, we are left scratching our head and wondering when it will all end. We could all use a good laugh, couldn't we? Pass the Valium.